Holcim Clubhouse + Pasillo
April 24, 2012

Over several days being under “house arrest,” I finally got a chance to get out of my crib and embrace the sun for a while. We ended up playing in the morning despite the scorching heat because others had classes in the afternoon and OJT. It feels refreshing to have friendly company again. The more I know when I’m catching up with them, the more reality strikes me that time flies too fast. I still can’t imagine that others are graduating next school year and I keep on forgetting that I’m 20 years old and I don’t feel like it at all! After the games, we went to Pasillo for lunch, ordered pork belly and ilogon, and finished the day with ice cream. The heat was unbearable and I ended up getting sunburns.

My sister and I helped mom make these polvorons. She initially made this for her friend who’s flying back to the States soon. Of course, there’s a batch for her children with monstrous appetites.

What a great way to be two decades old! At first, I thought I was going to follow my planned schedule that purely consists of studying but a phone call kept me distracted and.. surprise!

My friends surprised me with everything chocolate! In the first photo are 20 crepe rolls made by Wendy and that super moist cake is from Ahlee! I feel lucky to have friends who make awesomely delicious food! Marky was also sweet in giving me a Whatta Tops cupcake! Hahaha! (Tzaddi and Kate, where were you during lunch? Meh~)

Haggard face ~.~

We decided to eat our lunch at Chowking and caught up with Jez and Rap. Aww~ Even though we only had a one-hour celebration because my class was moved to 1PM, still I’m very happy for your efforts. Thank you very much for that sweet surprise! I didn’t think there would be time for such because of our busy schedules with exams. (Thank you Sol for the photos)

I was also greeted by my blockmates and other college friends. During break, Cheng, Zeriko and I went to the IDS canteen and Sol, Tzaddi, Marky and Mark caught with up us. Good times, I tell you. Good times. I had my last class in Law which was also fun and memorable. Our teacher told us that our sacrifices in school are always lifted up to God and that we do these for no one but Him alone. I went to church after class to light a candle and prayed my Thank You’s.

By the time I rode the jeep on my way home, I keep on forming sentences in my head because I just had to post this here for keepsake. Cliche as it may sound, I don’t think adding +1 to your age is just a number. It’s more than that. It reminds me how far I’ve gone. And asking myself how far I’ve gone and how much I’ve used my energy in everything I do, I could say that, little by little, they’ve been paying off. I used to think 20 was such a mature age. Like I could graduate from college or get a job or get married. Like being 20 meant something big. But here I am, still in school, squealing like a little girl every time she sees something cutesy patootsie (anything relatable really) and trying her best to have a happy disposition despite academic struggle.

Over the years, I’ve had my share of experiences on being alone and misunderstood and some other teenage problems but the more the years passed by, the more I’m certain who my real friends are and they’ve sticked with me through thick and thin. I feel blessed for having such great people with me (aside from an awesome family). It is always quality over quantity. They have always been enough and the things I won from giveaways are bonuses.

I got home and my parents and sister sang me a “Happy Birthday” and hurriedly told me to go to the room and change clothes. I did not know that I was supposed to tell my sister that I’m done changing because she was doing this..

Sorry sister if the surprise didn’t work. It’s been a few years since I last had a birthday cake. Look how giddy I am! My family prefers celebrating birthdays just like this (only us) because our house is too small, there’s no space for all my relatives! (Also because my parents can’t afford to host a party. Someday, when I have my own work, we’ll host a big one every year!)

I’m very lucky to have such a loving and supportive ohana. (Not in the photo are my brothers who are miles away with their work) Game na game ang aking parents sa self-timer! Sorry for the plainness! Haha! Home is really where the heart is. I can’t thank my parents enough for being so understanding especially during this exam week where I’m still awake ‘til dawn using the laptop with lights on even though I’m aware how high our electricity bill is and when coffee easily runs out because I drink 2-3 cups everyday. My parents have never EVER put pressure on my schooling even if they know that my grades aren’t that great.

Thank you also to Zeriko for the big bag of Hershey’s Kisses and mini-notebook! I hate it when you randomly open my bag and put stuff without me knowing it.

• I’m currently blogging via my Dad’s iPod Touch because I don’t want to indulge into the widescreen goodness of the Internet.
• I need to finish reading and understanding around 275 articles of laws related to obligations and contracts and practice solving problems about Forecasting. 
• Which brings me to wishful thinking that even though I still have these attention-whore exams, I want for tomorrow to be a wee bit special. 
• I’m turning 20 tomorrow but all I wish is passing grades.

The past few days have been really busy because of the tight schedules for quizzes and exams. Between all these, I really feel blessed to have understanding parents even though they are aware my grades aren’t really doing well.

Just this morning, I had my Finance midterm exam. The night before that, I attended a surprise graduation party for my cousin and we went home around 11:30PM. I was supposed to be studying at my cousin’s house but I was preoccupied with the “bribe” of my cousin who gave me a cellphone. Of all the things I’d get for free, a cellphone! On top of that, a Nokia XpressMusic unit that just makes my dream come true of having a music player.

By the time I got home, I had to wait for the other people in the house to sleep so I could have peace and quiet while I’m studying. I really had a hard time concentrating because prior to that, I still wasn’t able to compensate the almost sleepless days. I really tried to solve some problems even though I was squinting because the light was too bright and my eyes were just too tired. I can’t bear the strain in my eyes. I decided to sleep in the couch and I forced myself to wake up at 4AM and got up an hour later. My exam was on 9AM and I really had to cram. Tzaddi’s tweet was really comforting and it gave me a little boost to try a little harder even though it was contrary to what she said.

My dad prepared my favorite breakfast, corned beef. And he has always understood why the PC is turned on literally 24 hours non-stop because all my books and resources are digital. And my mom always listens to me rant about my pre-exam jitters.

I knew I did bad during that exam. 11 problems plus a theory portion weren’t enough to answer within 2 hours. I can feel my system deteriorate. I feel indebted to Zeriko for being there every time I get depressed, lose my self-esteem or when I’m short of cash when we eat our lunch.

On another note, here at home, we received bad news from my brother. The boarding house he was staying at in Davao caught fire and he wasn’t able to save anything. Good thing, he was out attending a meeting when it happened. I feel sad for him because all the things he had as a result of his hardwork were gone to ashes. We’re very relieved that he’s safe despite everything that happened.

I always grudge at the thought of doing so much but when you’re there, you get less than what you expected. You’d look forward to something difficult but you’d only be given things much easier to do. I think of the hours wasted that could have been used for some snooze. At times, I find myself have having difficulty with such because I dread of not accomplishing such a thing that could’ve been easy. At some point, I find myself contemplating if it’s really time wasted because you absorbed something new. At the end of the day, what would matter most is how you’d use it. And if you use it, will it bring you to places? Will it bring you to places when you think you have to stay where you are? But if you have to stay where you are, will it do you good and make a difference?

Whatever input I make, I really try hard to remember how I did it and digest it. I try to make it a part of me and for whatever good grace would bestow upon me, I’d like to give myself reasons to make me believe in myself. Self-esteem is something I try so hard to attain and I don’t think I could grasp if it’s just me alone. I constantly need a push from everyone else. I constantly need to feel that I can do it. I have to try every time or else I’d give myself a slap in the face for not doing otherwise not knowing it was easy as pie.

Forgive me for bragging but I only get this once in a blue moon.